I am a huge fan of comedy. I think that, for the most part, everything should be allowed to be made fun of or nothing can be made fun of.
However, there are some things I don’t find funny. I don’t find dead children funny. I don’t find rape funny. And I don’t find jokes about mental and physical disabilities funny.
Sometimes you get drawn into a fandom you never expected, a fandom you never knew existed, and for me this stared before I ever truly knew what being a fan of something was. As a kid, my parents used to placate me and my brother by sitting us in front of the television, as many parents do, and while we enjoyed the classics like Rugrats and Cow and Chicken, I veered from the cartoony path slightly. My televised love didn’t take the shape of an animated figure; he wore glasses, went to ‘Bed, Bath, and Beyond’, and talked about science. Yes, it’s true: Alton Brown was my first crush and my first fandom was Food Network.
Every Girl’s Crazy ‘Bout a Sharp Dressed Man
I know it’s difficult to believe, but Food Network does indeed have its own fandom, its own fanfiction, and their own annoying fanpeople of a sort—they’re definitely not as vocal as some fans I’ve seen, but sometimes it’s hard to get excited over Cupcake Wars (like, all the time). We have our own ‘stans’ (people that viciously support a certain person), and let me tell you, the hate-following behind annoying chef extraordinaire, Bobby Flay, warms my cold, shriveled heart. No site documents these actions better than Food Network Humor.
Er, documented.
Unfortunately, FNH has gone on an indefinite hiatus after creator Jillian Madison became burned out on all the craptastic new shows Food Network began shoveling out. I can’t blame her. However, she kindly has kept all the posts up so old readers and newbies alike can enjoy her sardonic humor when discussing things like how Guy Fieri mispronounces his last name or Sandra Lee’s horrendous Kwanzaa cake.
As this is essentially a gossip site, there are a plethora of articles reveling in the juicy gossip happening behind the scenes, not to mention several articles that reveal some of your favorite chefs’ opinions on women and the LGBT* community (For instance, Guy Fieri? Not a fan of the latter and quite possibly the former too). I revel in all this information: it’s so satisfying to see the little cracks of imperfection in people that are built up to be such pillars of their community. However, this site has also given me a great love for Paula Deen, who loves the site and is quite open about how she has become kind of a joke to the 
greater internet public. It has also kept my love for Mr. Brown at an all-time high, as he is pretty much the most amazing person on the Food Network and doesn’t take shit from any of his co-workers (and, surprise! Actually knows about food).
My favorite, and MadameAce’s favorite, portion of the site though, are the ridiculous recipes people find on Food Network’s main site, and damned if some of them lead me to wonder if we’re all going to be forced to live off of Hamburger Helper and other boxed foods in the future. Let me show you an oldie, but goodie as an example:
How Easy is That?
Excuse me while I let out a few tears; whether they be of laughter or horror, I may never know.
I know I’m not the only one waiting for the triumphant return of this blog. Indeed, we are legion, we are many—well, there are a lot of us anyways. Until then, I suppose I’ll have to make due with watching the weekly cake battles and yelling at people on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives that no, you really don’t need that much pepper in your damn sandwich. My work is never done.
I am so excited for this movie it is ridiculous. A lot of big name movies came out recently, but I really think Warm Bodies is going to be one of the most severely underrated movies this winter.
Warm Bodies seems to be an awesome spoof of the paranormal romance craze. Pairing the romance between the hot blonde and the gross undead zombie is hilarious in and of itself, but for me the best thing about this movie, at least from what I can tell about the trailer, is the inner monologue of the zombie.
The fact that the zombie has an almost completely coherent inner monologue, but still acts like a normal everyday zombie is perfect, and really something that has been missing from various zombie spoofs in general.
I’m definitely going to check out Warm Bodies. You should too.
It’s Web Crush Wednesdays again and its time to crush on all your favorite BAMF Girls.
I love Comediva and I have talked about them before when I crushed on Geek Therapy, but Comediva has done it again by giving us the BAMF Girl Club. Imagine all of your favorite badass female characters living together as roommates! BAMF Girl Club brings together Hermione, Katniss, Lisbeth, Buffy, Michonne, and …Bella… all in one house. Watch them try and get along!
If parodies like this are the only good thing we’ll get out of reality TV I think it’s worth it.
Watch the video, then like and subscribe to my latest Web Crush!
I’m new to the world of Avengers fandom, and I have only a very interested amateur’s knowledge of the comicverse; but even with all of this, I have this very instinctual understanding that “The Avengers all live together in a house provided by Tony Stark” is an Avengers fanfic plot trope as old and honored as sex pollen or accidental bonding are in Kirk/Spock fiction. And within those tropes, there are always going to be not-so-good ones, and there are always going to be super-amazing ones.
Ready, Fire, Aim is one of the latter. Full disclosure, it’s Steve/Tony (with background Pepper/Natasha), and there’s not much of a connecting thread to the story except for the gradual romantic growth between the two. But the episodic flow of the story is really organic and comfortable; in once scene Clint’s trying to teach Thor how to use the Wii, and in the next the team is helping (or being helped by) the X-Men and the Fantastic Four to subdue evil parade floats. (Oh yeah, there are a million neat little tie-ins with the Marvel ‘verse outside of the movie, which I appreciated even if I am not a comic buff.) The funny parts are funny, the sexy parts are hot like burning, and although I’m not super qualified to talk about characterization, the characters seem to be and act and talk exactly how they ought to in my head. Thor especially is amazing.
This story has two amazing sequels as well (well, one is an actual sequel and one is the story of Ready, Fire, Aim from Steve’s POV, written for a charity fic auction), but they’re easily around 50k words put together, so if you’re recently graduated like me and have a hell of a lot of time on your hands, this is the perfect fic to spend an hour or two (or however long it takes other people to read 50,000 words) with. Enjoy!
This came up when I searched ‘Avengers as roommates’ in google images. It seemed relevant.
This fic seemed particularly relevant today as I am, as you read, road-tripping all the way to Florida for Spring Break. (I wrote this yesterday. HELLO FROM THE PAST!)
But anyway. I recently finished watching the anime Tiger & Bunny,
which is about the daily lives and adventures of superheroes in a futuristic city called Sternbild. The heroes all compete in a reality TV show (called, aptly, Hero TV) where they receive points for rescues, arrests, and not-destroying-property.
The odd couple of Kotetsu, the goofy older guy who doesn’t care about his scores, and Barnaby, the hot young blond with a revenge complex and a desperate desire to succeed, was born to be slashed, let me just say.
I mean, shit, THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS.
I was surprised they didn’t get married at the end of the series, the subtext was so obvious.
So, needless to say, this is a Kotetsu/Barnaby fic. It’s set post-series, but doesn’t really have any significant spoilers, and the whole story is that Kotetsu, Barnaby, and Kotetsu’s daughter Kaede are going on a road trip to see a big hole in the groun-sorry, a canyon.
Possibly my favorite thing about it besides its sugary cuteness is that it’s written from Kaede’s point of view.
Kaede is so over your bullshit.
Kaede is a snarky, old-for-her-years ten-year-old with a crush the size of, well, a canyon on her Hero TV favorite, Barnaby. So when she gets the chance to spend days in the car with him, she’s thrilled… until she realizes that Barnaby in person is a lot more awkward and dorky than his TV personality, and, more importantly, that he is quite obviously in love with her father.
The story itself is really just hilarious, with nods to typical road-trip problems such as the what-music-do-we-listen-to, the you-drive-too-fast-you-drive-too-slow, and the must-we-really-stop-at-every-worlds’-largest-ball-of-string-for-pictures problems. It does have its serious moments too, however – it deals with how Kaede rationalizes her mom’s death and the possibility of her dad starting a new relationship with someone else. And yes, the ending is sappy and adorable, but what else would you expect from a road trip story?
If you loved Tiger & Bunny like I did, I definitely recommend you read this lovely story. Check it out here at AO3.
I imagine this picture was taken in front of the giant ball of string.
Women often get screwed when it comes to being a Christ figure. Sure, if I was watching a movie about the actual historical person of Christ I would be a bit confused if Jesus was cast as a woman, but a Christ figure is just that, a figure. I don’t think anyone but perhaps crazed religious extremists would protest Aslan being a lioness instead of a lion, but alas, Christ was a man so I don’t blame anyone for constantly casting Christ figures as male. There is no harm in that and completely understandable. It does, however, leave another divine role open to women, one that doesn’t have a gender.
It’s been said that portrayals of God are often a white male. While this may be true in religious iconography, I don’t know if it’s fair to say the same about pop culture. In recent years, God has on occasion been black and even a woman once or twice; so pop culture has been branching out. Before that, while God was occasionally a white male, for the most part God was a disembodied voice or hand (think Monty Python or The Ten Commandments). Many times, God wouldn’t appear at all but would be an unseen, unknowable force, seemingly moving the events of the story (think Good Omens).
Women have been portrayed as God a few times, but for the most part we get what I call “a taste of the divine.” Women get an opportunity to touch or commune with the divine, but they don’t stay that way and often return to their normal human states after.
Rose Tyler of Dr. Who goes through one such touch with the divine in the season finale of Dr. Who in 2005 when she absorbs the heart of the Tardis.
To give you a bit of background I have only just finished watching the episodes of Dr. Who with the 9th Doctor. So if there is later information that I do not mention it’s because I’m not aware of it.
Anyway, Rose absorbs the heart of the Tardis and promptly becomes a conduit for God. Rose looks into the time vortex, which the Doctor explains that no one is supposed to see. He further tells her that if she doesn’t stop she’ll burn. This is very reflected of instances in 
the Old Testament where someone encounters God and is changed by or even dies by it. In this way, the Tardis appears much like the Arc of the Covenant, which the ancient Jews believed was the seat of the God. God is physically present in the Arc and anyone who looks upon or touches it that is not supposed to dies. The Doctor warns Rose that she is not meant to see the time vortex and is worried that Rose will burn up, but Rose manages to hold on long enough to destroy false gods (the Dalek emperor) and resurrect the dead.
Rose Tyler: I want you safe, my Doctor. Protected from the false God.
Emperor Dalek: You cannot hurt me. I am immortal.
Rose Tyler: You are tiny. I can see the whole of time and space, every single atom of your existence, and I divide them. Everything must come to dust. All things, everything dies.
This quote 1) shows Rose’s ability to see all things the way many imagine God. She sees the big picture. 2) Rose destroys a false God, which is a theme often depicted in the Bible. In the final line, Rose actually discusses the creation of all things reflecting Genesis 3:19. “…for you are dust and to dust you will return.”
Finally, Rose restores life to those who have died and, despite the Doctor’s begging, seems unwilling to let the power go. Though it doesn’t seem to be because she is power hungry, but rather she doesn’t want to let go of this connection. Many Catholic and Orthodox saints who have claimed to experience the power of God describe it as touching ecstasy. Rose seems only able to let go after the Doctor describes his own experience feeling what Rose does. (And for those of you wondering, yes, the Doctor is something of a God figure too. I’ll get to him later.)
In the end, Rose let’s go of the power and remembers nothing, again implying that the power and awe of this divinity is too great for human Rose to comprehend. Well, not without dying anyway.
Buffy is another character that touches the divine and is even something of a Christ figure. Yes, Buffy dies to save the whole world and then rises from the dead, but I hope that last week’s talk on Christ figures has made you realize there is more to Christ figures then simple resurrection. After all, Spike died and rose again, but we’d hardly call him a Christ
figure. Let’s call Buffy a pseudo-Christ figure, though Buffy does have her own touches with the divine. In the finale of season four, Buffy faces off against the Frankenstein-like monster Adam. Adam may be my absolute least favorite Buffy villain, but how Buffy defeats him is probably the coolest. Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles realize that the only way to stop him is to use a Sumerian enjoining spell to combine their power.
It’s worth mentioning here that Buffy, unlike most other fantasy/horror shows, draws on the Judeo-Christian tradition notably less. But let’s break this little spell down. It’s Sumerian, one of the first and greatest human civilizations. One could argue humanity started there—creation started there. Who creates? That’s right, God. Buffy does combine with Willow, Xander, and Giles, and Joss Whedon has even mentioned that this was to show the power and closeness of their relationship. One tradition in ancient Jewish and Christian culture was that God’s body was comprised of all people. In this way, God was all races, all genders. In other words, God was everything and humans were all just a tiny piece of God. Buffy and her Scooby Gang enjoining, in their combined strength, could be viewed as a larger piece of God.
In fact, the same things happen to Buffy as they did Rose. Buffy glows, especially her eyes, she turns death to life by turning Adam’s bullets into doves (Holy Spirit symbolism… maybe?), and seems to see the same bigger picture that Rose did.
Adam: How can you…?
UberBuffy: You can never hope to grasp the source of our power. But yours is right here.
She then proceeds to destroy the false god Adam, who was going to destroy humans by creating a new race of composite monsters, by removing his power source.
So these are some women who have communed with God and been a part of God, but hey, sometimes those women don’t need to commune with God, because they are God.
In the movie The Fifth Element, Leeloo is created by the Mondoshawns, a race of aliens, to defeat evil when combined with four elemental stones, thus obviously, making Leeloo the fifth one. Leeloo is created perfect and often called the Supreme Being. As a feminist, I always got a kick out of this movie, because of the constant assertion from people that don’t know Leeloo assuming the Supreme Being was a man. There is definitely a very obvious commentary here about female empowerment and God as feminine by the creators.
From a theological perspective, however, as much as I love this movie it can be damn well confusing. The religion in this movie is all over the place. Leeloo is created by these other aliens, yet she is the Supreme Being. Are those aliens gods? To create a Supreme Being you would assume they’d have to be. Or are they creating a body for God to inhabit in the same way that the Virgin Mary said yes and allowed God to be born through her. Furthermore, the idea that Leeloo could not defeat evil (evil here being this giant intelligent dark planet which only has the intent to destroy) without the stones (the four elements) limits her Godlike powers. If she is the Supreme Being couldn’t she just defeat the evil anyway? She doesn’t seem that powerful either. She has one fight scene in the whole movie, is later saved by Bruce Willis’s character, and then after realizing he loves her, saves the world, because love is worth protecting even if humanity tends to screw up. She defeats evil with the light of creation, but seems to have little to no control over it and it takes everything out of her.
The priest who is with Leeloo seems like he is part of another sect of Christianity. He makes the sign of the cross and still refers to a God or Lord throughout the movie, but calls Leeloo the Supreme Being and guides her through our world. Leeloo never has a big picture moment. In fact, she seems to know nothing about the world and spends a large chunking of the movie going through human history on the computer.
At this point, I have to conclude, that despite Leeloo and others constant assertions that Leeloo is the Supreme Being, she’s not, not really. I’m guessing more a super-powered human used, once again, as a conduit for the divine with the help of the stones. She may be perfect, but really she’s a perfect vessel, not God. This does not make me think this movie is any less awesome or any less a feminist narrative. It has its problems, but doesn’t everything. Leeloo may not be God, but she is still worth watching.
There is one female character that I know with absolute certainty is God.
God in Dogma is a woman. That’s just fact. It’s clear this God can take other vessels, but God’s actual gender in this movie is spelled out as being female. While that’s not theologically accurate because God has no gender and every gender at the same time, it is a refreshing change of pace. This God is completely and utterly powerful, awe-inspiring, but yet funny and relatable. She has a sense of humor about Her creations and Her plans, while still being powerful enough to see the bigger and to have greater plans in the first place.
It endlessly annoys me that a movie most Christian groups heavily criticized actually has an awesome portrayal of the feminine God and asks good theological questions. Dogma was a great movie about God and faith. You should keep an open mind and watch it.
I suppose now you all want me to talk about the male portrayals of God. Well, I need a break from God right now. What? Talking about God is hard. God is unknowable, after all. So what can we talk about next week if not God? It has to be something big, something that connects all people no matter what religion or philosophy. Hmm… oh, I know! The one thing all people fear to some extent.
Next time on Oh, My Pop Culture Jesus: O Death!
Tune in next week and—die! Uh… I mean get some religion…
Death, he is really very scary. I’m serious!
Lady Geek Girl: Evening, Ladies and Gentleman! It’s Wednesday again and you know what that means—yep, it’s time for another Web Crush Wednesday! Let’s check out this week’s Web Crush with my pal and our newest writer, Al!
Aperigren: Actually, I prefer Perigren to Al… don’t call me Al.
Lady Geek Girl: Right, cool, no more calling you Al, got it!
Aperigren: Who remembers adventure games? They used to be the norm, whether it was a game about pirates or a screwed up love triangle. First, it was based on text – “search bed,” we would type. “You found a used condom! You put it in your pocket,” it would excitedly return. Then, technology allowed us to simply click the bed and then add the used condom to our inventory. For some unknown reason, these adventure games seemed to die off in favor of games featuring actual movements and actions.
Still, some of the old point-and-click adventure games are very dear to many of us. Sam & Max Hit the Road for example, remains as a significant beacon of joy from my past. It seems the need for critical thinking and careful observation in games has gone, and I think on such things as relics from days past. What I remember most is the humor in such games. The Secret of Monkey Island remains to this day as one of the funniest games I’ve ever played. Strange how almost all of the humor came from only one man….
Lady Geek Girl: I’ll be honest here, I not that big of a gamer. I love video games, but my experience is limited due to my mother depriving me of them when I was much younger. Since meeting Al here though, my video game knowledge has increased, and my desire to play has grown.
Aperigren: My name isn’t Al, Little Geek Girl.
Lady Geek Girl: What did you just call me!
Aperigren: What? Nothing, Little Nerd Person, let’s just move on.
Lady Geek Girl: You aren’t allowed to call me that! I’m Lady Geek Girl, supreme emperor and ruler of this blog.
Aperigren: Forgive my insolence, tiny dork thing.
Lady Geek Girl: Wha… no one ever speaks to me that way. That’s… that’s… awesome! You have guts! I like you! I think you’ll fit in just fine here.
Anyway, it helps that Perigren here has played on one of my greatest weaknesses—my obsession with cool people. Yep, once I like someone I become a screaming crying fangirl. I mean hell, that’s basically how Web Crush Wednesdays got started! And all it takes to get me interested in playing video games right now is Tim Schafer.
Tim Schafer is the genius behind such games as Grim Fandango, Pyschonauts, Brutal Legend (my favorite!), and Once Upon a Monster. Tim Schafer started out working as a video game developer for Lucasarts. He got the job by sending a comic of himself interviewing for and getting the job at Lucasarts, immediately making him the coolest person ever. Later, he was denied a job at Atari (who is probably kicking themselves right now), but Tim went on to success by starting Double Fine Productions in 2000. He’s a writer and designer of games, as well as a fan, making him the sort of developer fans really enjoy and relate to. He is also the only one to date who has effectively handled Cookie Monster.
Released Oct. 11, 2011, Once Upon a Monster is about a storybook world full of your favorite monsters from Sesame Street as well as some new ones that need help with their problems. This video is when Tim Schafer first pitched the idea to the Cookie Monster. I love how Tim handles Cookie Monster! Most people in every other video I have seen never know what to do when faced with Cookie Monster’s love of cookies. I love that Tim’s response is to shrug and devourer the cookie in the same manner as everyone’s beloved monster. Tim Schafer is a man with a good sense of humor and his games reflect that in spades.
Aperigren: So Tim Schafer, comic genius, is the man behind years of fantastic humor and witty dialogue in some very significant games. Sadly, Tim just can’t survive by making bank for himself and Cookie Monster. He misses those old point-and-click adventure games. The problem is that he and Double Fine can only develop a game; they can’t fund it. Unfortunately, no publisher will take the risk of funding a new adventure game. So, enter kickstarter.com, a website designed as an avenue for creative people to appeal to the masses for funding! Tim Schafer and Double Fine’s adventure game project has been up for a couple weeks now. He set his funding goal at a meager (in video game standards) $400,000. A day after posting, he was already up to $1 million. So, click the link and check it out. Backers are being hooked up with a pretty nice deal, and you can become a backer until March 13. To help you understand why this is so awesome, I’ll leave it to Tim Schafer and his appeal for funding.
Long live adventure games!
Another day, another Web Crush!
I’m a big supporter of therapy. Seeing a therapist is like seeing a doctor. Sometimes you just need a check every so often to make sure you are healthy.
It’s the same for geeks and nongeeks alike, but geek therapy is a different story.
Nongeeks out there are realizing how popular anything geek is and need help to up their G.Q. I mean how are nongeeks supposed to pick up women if they don’t know the name of Jayne’s gun or what pwned means? They can’t. So they need the help of a geek therapist.
But geeks need help too. Like what if you’re a nerd but you’re boyfriend is a geek, or you can’t stop reciting movie lines, or you’re still distraught over the death of Steve Jobs. That’s right—therapist.
But you know who needs help the most. DC comic book writers. Those guys are insane.
I hope you enjoyed my latest Web Crush! Check out Comediva for more awesome videos!
Update: The author has gone back through her story for editing, so some of the following information may no longer be accurate.
[Trigger Warning for: Rape, Sexual Assault, Incest]
Tsunderin: I’ve noticed a trend since I’ve started writing here: despite my utter lack of knowledge on western comics, I always seem to get roped into talking about them. Can I help it if there always seems to be something going on? Of course I can’t. But, then again, this isn’t a matter of social justice, torch and pitchfork style; this is a matter of canon ignorance that rivals that of the Naruto fandom (I would apologize for your punching bag status if you didn’t make it so damn easy).
I have never read the Thor series of comics, but I have heard MadameAce talk about it quite extensively. But I’m sure that it hasn’t been thorough enough to label myself anywhere near being fluent in its canon. However, even I have a stronger grasp on the characters and the setting than the author of this little peach of a fic.
Thor is not a happy camper
MadameAce: As she implied, I’ve been a part of the Thor fandom for a while now. And for the longest time, there were little to no fanfictions for it outside of two or three authors. So at the release of both the live action and animated films, I got excited, because I knew full well that fanfiction would start flooding the internet. I was also a little apprehensive, because I knew that incest fics would be among them in overwhelming numbers. Surprisingly, though, they are nowhere near as common as I thought they would be, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Lost in the Frost was one of the first fanfictions to appear.
Tsunderin: Note that even though we poke fun at it quite often, I personally don’t have an issue with incest fics in and of themselves—I usually file it under YKINMK (Your Kink is not my Kink) and continue on my merry way. However, it becomes an issue when the characters just don’t have any good reason to get together. There is nothing leading up to their relationship—which I shudder even to call such since it’s obviously based mostly on how hot the author thinks it would be without taking character traits into account—besides a scene so contrived that it seems like something out of a children’s cartoon… wait.
MadameAce: At first, it seemed like an interesting concept. Laufey wants his son back, and I was pretty happy that someone was finally going to address the relationship between the two. That happiness shattered pretty quickly, because Aurora Bluewolf has no interest in character development, canon, or logic. Her story is, without a doubt, a fantasy based on nothing more than wanting to see Thor and Loki naked together because she thinks they’re hot.
Though, that doesn’t stop her from trying to pretend. And, oh, does she try.
Throughout the fic, Loki constantly angsts about being abandoned as a baby and that Odin adopted him. The story reminds us over and over of these two parts, almost exactly word for word, when the characters would not logically be thinking these things during the events of the story. And when it’s not reminding us of these, it’s trying to make Loki feel like an outsider to the rest of Asgard for being a Frost Giant—something people conveniently know and then don’t again—despite the fact that everyone loves him because he’s so sweet and innocent.
Tsunderin: Well, obviously Loki just feels left out because, in this story, even baby Balder—yes, he’s a baby in this fic for no reason besides that the author didn’t want to write him in—is more competent, and probably stronger than this delicate little flower of a Norse god. Aurora says outright in one part that Loki can literally not pick up anything heavier than a wooden sword and has no fighting ability. In fact, she even goes so far as to nerf his magic abilities, making him not only bumble up 99% of the spells he tries to preform but also has him take a vow that prevents him from using magic to intentionally hurt others. Let me just say that again:
Loki, the god of mischief and fucking your shit up, has taken a vow of pacifism.
That combined with his ‘stunning’ intelligence begs several questions on how he managed to stay alive this long. If he truly was this delicate, how did Loki simply not just… wilt after being taken by Odin? Climate changes are no good for a flower, after all.
MadameAce: But it’s okay, because Laufey just kidnaps him right back. You see, Loki isn’t just a special flower in Asgard, but to the Frost Giants as well. He can get pregnant. This isn’t a big surprise, considering mythology, but Loki has been downgraded from shape-shifter to a hermaphrodite that gives off pheromones for breeding. Or maybe he’s just surrounded by yaoi-magic. But the end result is that they need Loki to get pregnant because their numbers are dwindling due to not enough females, which is probably because they rape all their women to death.
So Thor and the Warriors Three go off on a journey that’s exactly the opposite of epic to save Loki. But before Thor can leave, he has to angst about all the good times he and Loki had as children and how much he needs Loki, because he wants to be Loki’s first, and how much—you know what, Thor’s a selfish fuck in this fic. There’s nothing more to his character. It’s played off like true love—a love automatically accepted by his mother and Loki-hating friends—but it’s just creepy.
How Does She Even Expect This To Work?
Of course, it’s nowhere near as creepy as Laufey watching while his other sons try to rape Loki. Yes, this happens. Loki gets sexually assaulted by his own brothers while their biological father watches, because all family members everywhere like watching each other have sex. Naturally, he would have some PTSD afterward, right? Wrong. He and Thor confess their love and share a kiss.
His being kidnapped changes nothing to the overall arching “plot”.
Tsunderin: As you have probably gathered, this fic is all about the boys. Boys hugging boys, boys rescuing boys, boys, boys, boys. And there is no issue with having a male centric story. There is an issue, though, with having a story that trivializes women when they do appear. Now, I realize that there’s a sort of stigma against having a female be anything more than a passing character in a yaoi story, but Aurora takes it upon herself to not only mangle the relationships between the opposite genders (not counting Odin and Frigga, but they’re basically non-characters too) but be completely insulting to a whole slew of women. You’ll find this out later on, but let me prep you here.
In this scene, Loki has been kidnapped for breeding purposes by the Frost Giants and is thrown into a cell with about thirty other women from various other locales that are also there to be sexually abused by their captors. However, once Loki is there every stupid thing is about him and how unfortunate it is that he’s there. Which, yeah, sucks, but she makes it seem like the other females have no real qualm with being there. They don’t act afraid. They’re not trying to escape. There is no trauma what-so-ever. Hell, not even Loki is traumatized until after he’s taken from the cell. In fact, in a previous chapter Aurora has Odin say that if the woman just happened to be traveling through the Frost Giant’s land it is completely in their rights to abduct said woman and have their way with her. Excuse me? I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works. Ever. Not even in canon.
Diiiiiick, You’re a Diiiiiick
A few scenes later where, spoilers, Thor saves them all, the women and Loki are all relegated below deck of their get-away ship. A joke is made about how Thor and the other two thirds of the Warriors Three don’t trust Fandral to go down to check on Loki because of the thirty-some disheveled, unrobed women below. And this is a joke that they all laugh at. Oh, that horny bastard, Fandral. Ha ha ha! Implied sexual harassment is HILARIOUS! Of course, this could be in character given how flippant god-types usually are with this kind of thing, but it doesn’t make a lick of difference in the end. Especially considering the situation that the women have just been in, it just makes the whole thing more disgusting.
Know what else is disgusting? Completely ignoring possible trauma caused by sexual assault to a victim’s face. It is decided quickly that instead of Fandral, Thor will go down and talk to Loki. Which is fine until Thor’s concern turns into a full blown make-out session. Thor takes no concern with the fact his brother had just been as close to being raped as one can get without actually being raped and just dives right in. A couple of times Thor decides that doing this right now may not be the best idea, but continues anyway, eventually leading to him getting Loki off via handjob. So, not only is he not taking Loki’s situation into consideration, the whole time Thor is making it about himself! He wants Loki to be his. He wants to stop this because he doesn’t want to feel guilty about it later. Thor is the most fucking awful, selfish person ever in this story and I really do hope he dies.
‘But wait,’ you may be saying to yourself, ‘wasn’t Loki below deck with those thirty-some other presumed sexually abused women?’ Yes. Yes, he was. Loki and Thor just did all of that in front of a group of potentially traumatized women with no mention to them at all beyond, “OMG, we shouldn’t have sex with an audience. Just let me jack you off.” What the fuck?!
Before I make this part of the post entirely too long, allow me to mention two other things quickly. First off, Sif and Thor have hardly any relationship in this story. If you are unsure what I’m talking about, let me explain. Sif is essentially Thor’s girlfriend in canon and she’s pretty much the definition of a BAMF. So how surprised are you that in this story she and Thor are just friends—not even best friends, just friends—and that she acts like a moron with no personality? I hope you said something amounting to ‘not surprised in the least’. And lastly, Aurora has a strange compulsion to use the word ‘female’ rather than ‘woman’ or ‘lady’. This may be nitpicky, but both MadameAce and I agree that this furthers the sense that the women in this story aren’t actually people, but objects used to merely move the plot along and maybe add conflict. The women captives are there to show how evil the Frost Giants are. Frigga is there to allow Thor to do whatever he wants and to have a mother. Sif is there to add conflict, but spectacularly fails to do so as she is a complete pushover and is probably going to only be seen with Frigga in tow.
TL;DR: None of the women have any personalities or importance and they never will, and Aurora should feel terrible.
MadameAce: I now take this time to talk about the kind of grammar Lost in the Frost has to offer. This is one of those stories that breaks paragraphs randomly and uses an overabundance of ellipses in place of periods and commas. Ellipses are not pauses; they are in case something has been left unsaid. Unfortunately, they have an annoying habit of cropping up in every other sentence. Surprisingly, Aurora does have one writing skill that other bad authors lack. Despite the aforementioned paragraph problem, all dialogue begins a new indentation, and she doesn’t end dialogue said by one character by showing what another character is doing, for the most part. The only thing she has to work on in this regard is not waiting until the end of a particularly long dialogue before stating who spoke. Take this sentence, for example:
“When Loki comes into his mature state, he’s going to become extremely attractive to all candidates searching for a mate. This includes Frost Giants, Valkaries, Elves, Trolls, Dwarves, and Asgardians. The only reason I chose you to look after Loki, well… honestly, it was because I don’t think you will harm him if he asks you to stop. Do not allow him outside of the palace under any circumstances. Understood?” Odin said, holding his son at arm’s length and looking him directly in the eyes as he spoke.
Had this conversation not been explicitly between two characters and a third person was involved, it would have been very confusing, because we have to wait so long to find out who’s talking. Fortunately, this is also one of the few places where the ellipses could possibly work. They are still awkwardly placed, but it is a far cry better than where they usually are.
Sadly, Aurora also has a habit of talking down to her reader. The prose will spontaneously switch to second person and give us sentences like this:
So to protect something precious, one must keep it in a dark, safe place. Somewhere tucked away from all light, where no one will look for it, and in time, your efforts will be fruitful.
On top of that, she has a habit of leaving annotations littered throughout her work. I’m going to be perfectly clear that annotations are not a good literary technique and should be avoided at all costs. Most authors use annotations to explain something in their story specifically. Aurora uses them to teach us the definition of words, such as cellar and Sea Lily.
If you, the author, are convinced that the audience might not understand something, you need to avoid using it. Something like cellar is pretty common, so explaining it to us is really insulting to the intelligence of the reader. And if it is something like Sea Lily, which I’m going to assume is less known, it’s still no better. Insulting your reader is one of the worst things an author can do.
However, the most glaringly obvious spat in the face of the readers comes during Loki’s attempted rape, when the author gives us this:
He was now completely naked (lol, no undies… yeah, I’m (sic) messed up… but you wouldn’t be reading this if I wasn’t…) under the two brothers as Laufey watched from the corner.
Lol, it’s so funny and hot, because he didn’t have underwear on under his clothes, and oh, wait, HE’S ABOUT TO BE FUCKING RAPED! Do I even need to say what’s so wrong with this? Author’s notes are bad enough in prose as it is, but Aurora has somehow managed to find the worst possible place for them and has said the worst possible thing.
My only conclusion to this is that she was trying to somehow lighten the scene up, but if she felt the need to do that, she shouldn’t have added it in. The attempted rape is further insulting by existing only as a catalyst to show how heroic Thor is in rescuing him. Loki has no negative reactions to what happened, even though most people who experience attempted rape and sexual assault find the acts just as violating and upsetting as if rape had actually happened.
It was at this point reading her story for the first time that I had to stop and run to the bathroom, where I attempted to stop the regurgitation of what I had had for lunch that day. This is not how to treat a rape scene. An author needs to show it the respect it is due or not show it at all. Aurora could have very easily avoided this. She could have had Thor arrive sooner, or pushed the special mating night where the Frost Giants rape everyone back a day or two.
There is no excuse for this.
Tsunderin: Well, this was supposed to be a lazy review on our part to counteract the author’s lazy research into canon but there are just some aspects that we couldn’t ignore. Perhaps she will learn from this and become a better writer. We can only hope.
