Movie Review: Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Some movies just don’t seem to care about anything. They just drone on and on, and they don’t stop going until they’ve effectively wasted two hours of their viewers’ lives. This movie is so bad that mustering the amount of energy it would take to laugh at it properly seems like an impossible endeavor, especially when trying to fight off sleep. And don’t get me wrong. It might seem like I’m suggesting that this movie is at least good for a decent nap, but it’s not. It never will be. As a bad movie, it can’t even say that, because it’s so loud during the action sequences. And action sequences should be exciting, but I found myself not involved in any of it.

Furthermore, I just left the theater feeling utterly confused. I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a sequel or a complete remake. If it’s a sequel, I don’t think anyone cared to look back on the first one to remember what happened. So I’m going to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and say that this is a standalone movie.

Which then makes me ask: why the hell did they get Nicolas Cage back for the role? Could they not find a better actor?

I realize that making fun of Nicolas Cage and saying that he plays himself over and over again is both true and really overdone, but if he’s acting himself, he must be the most boring man alive. He goes through movies looking as though he’s on a constant high. Would it kill him to show some sort of emotion besides “mumbling every line I’m given or laughing crazily for no reason”?

Then there’s Idris Elba who, despite being a good actor, seems to be on a mission to implant himself in every comic book movie he can. I must also give him credit for being the only person in the film I actually cared about, besides the bad guy, whom I only liked because I wanted him to win and kill everyone.

Let’s see if I can come up with some things I liked about this movie.

I liked the special effects; they were nowhere near as cartoony as the first movie.

I liked when the bad guy decayed parts of Nicolas Cage’s face.

I liked the credits…

Now let’s see if I can come up with a decent list of things I hated. Um… how about everything else? Seriously, I feel as though no effort went into this movie. And I really hate to use the first Ghost Rider in any positive light, but I feel as though I have to. At least when Nicolas Cage was sipping jelly beans from martini glasses he gave the character some sort of personality, and we the audience as least knew his father, which gave us some reason to pity him for making a deal with Mephisto, now called Roarke. This movie didn’t let us get to know the characters at all. And I have to say that watching Ghost Rider urinate fire didn’t endear me to him.

Then there’s the ending, where he beats Roarke with little to no effort and sends him back to hell. Then, he finally feels the true spirit of the Ghost Rider, the fallen angel thing, and becomes an agent for good. And we can tell he’s good now, because he’s surrounded by blue flames. So the angel that was made insane through a couple thousand years of torture realizes who he truly is again after saving the life of the antichrist. Yeah, it’s as lame as it sounds.

I knew this movie was going to suck just from the title of it. Spirit of Vengeance. That doesn’t mean anything. And ironically, I don’t think there was any spirit that went into the production of this movie, and certainly not one of vengeance.

I could go on some more about why it’s a terrible movie, but I’ll just leave you with this: don’t watch it. Trust me.