Um, no. Just… just, no. Of all the things they could put into a teaser, they chose this. Some of you may remember my trailer review for part one, but that at least tried to make the movie seem epic, despite the bland nothingness that is Twilight. This trailer seems to be shooting for mysterious or, dare I say, magical.
I should mention that there’s nothing mysterious or magical in the Twilight universe. Werewolves and sparkly vampires excluded, but even then there’s no mystery because there’s no subtlety, and reading the books never felt like a magical experience.
So maybe this trailer is only trying to be suspenseful?
Yeah, I’m moving on to the next point now.
First of all, no, Bella didn’t spend the first eighteen years of her life as an ordinary girl. Ordinary girls don’t having four boys falling over her when she moves to a new school, and in the Twilight universe, ordinary girls do not smell super sweet to vampires, like they have flowers in their blood. She would also probably produce some form of thought too, so Edward could read her mind.
I also love the message: that she couldn’t “shine” without becoming a vampire, and that humans are the lesser creatures.
But the biggest problem is that nothing’s happening. The part one trailer at least showed us the antagonists. Nothing is at stake here, except for maybe that deer at the end, who may or may not end up being the most compelling character of the entire movie. I’d actually have to watch it to find out.
I’ve never seen a Twilight movie, and I haven’t read the books, so I’ve only got secondary evidence of how bad they truly are – but that looks awful. As expected.
I’d watch a movie about that deer evading Kristen Stewart for an hour, though. It’d be fun trying to work out if her expression was supposed to be hunger, frustration, anger, or needing to pee.
I suspect the deer would win.