I’m sharing my feels about this movie in bullet points because I can. First the things I liked:
- My favorite part of the movie was the opening credits/all of the landscape shots. They were so pretty and it almost felt like you were seeing the movie in Imax.
- The special effects were baller.
- Michael Fassbender was excellent. He was creepy, but I think he was supposed to be that way.
Now my dislikes. If you look at my fave part of the movie, you know the dislikes list is going to be a little longer. Also, don’t read beyond this point if you don’t want spoilers.
- When is it ever okay to have a C-section shown on the big screen?! Especially when the thing in utero is a baby kraken?! I did not sign up for that. I repeat: a baby karken removed from a human via C-section! I can’t make this stuff up.
- Not enough Charlize Theron. She basically played a bitch, and she got, I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes of screen time? If you are going to bother casting her for something, put her in more of the movie.
- The beginning scenes/setup to the Kraken C-section and all of the other cray-cray stuff that everyone paid money to see was too long. We had to get to the planet, we had to watch the android troll in everyone’s dreams, we had the put the suits on, get in the dune buggy, walk around, find and not touch things, touch things anyway, play with the things we touched while still thinking they are awesome and not something trying to kill you, and then android has to troll the crew. Then, we have to go put the suits back on, climb in the dune buggies, walk around some more before fun times begin. I made that sound about as boring as it was watching. And it wasn’t suspenseful at all because everyone came to the movie knowing that shit was going to hit the fan.
- The fact that everyone dies at the end. Or has their head ripped off. Or has a Kraken removed from their uterus.
So the moral of the movie is don’t have sex on foreign planets. You never know when the android has spiked your drink.