Ace and Saika watch Rise of the Guardians

Spoiler Alert!

So the other day, I forced Saika to take me both to the movies and to pay for my ticket. Naturally, we went to see Rise of the Gaurdians, which was a pleasant break from the sword fight the two of us failed to properly have beforehand—more accurately, we swung wooden sticks at each other and it was very awkward—and I have to say that this movie did not reach my expectations. It’s plenty enjoyable—I’ve seen it a few times already—and it’s a good story. But it is nowhere near as epic as everyone made it out to be.

So our story follows Jack Frost, a winter spirit whom no one can see because no one believes in him, teaming up with Santa Claus (North), the Sandman (Sandy), the Tooth Fairy (Tooth), and the Easter Bunny (Bunnymund) in order to stop the Boogeyman (Pitch Black) from spreading fear to all the children and making them not believe in them. It’s a simple enough coming-of-age story, and despite being a children’s movie, I was pleasantly surprised that Pitch is not a two-dimensional villain. He has depth and motivation outside being evil for the sake being evil. Sure, he’s pretty much a walking imitation of what Jack could have been, and that’s a little tiring because it’s been done over and over and over again, and in Rise of the Guardians, it’s really obvious.

All that said, even though I really like this movie, there are some things—plot holes—that are exceedingly bothersome. And I don’t know how many other people have noticed these, but I’m going to talk about them anyway. And maybe if I’m lucky, some of you will be exceedingly bothered by them too, and I won’t be alone in my bothered-ness.

• How are Jack’s memories of falling into the ice stored inside his baby teeth, which he lost before dying?

The only thing I can think here is that sometime between dying and turning into Jack Frost, he lost a tooth—somehow—and Tooth came to collect it. In which case, she should probably have done the nice thing and pulled him out of the ice. Being that he’s a child and her job is to protect children. Maybe the Man in the Moon told her to let him drown. Thanks, God!

• Why did Sophie not remember who any of them were? Or at least, why didn’t she remember the Easter Bunny?

Was spending a whole day in the Warren and painting eggs with Bunnymund not enough to make her believe in him? Who cares that she didn’t have eggs to hunt that Easter?! She spent a whole day in the Warren, but still didn’t believe when it mattered.

• Did the Man in the Moon also make Pitch, since he made everyone else?

Was there a purpose to making Pitch, other than that we needed to have our obligatory Satan character? The Man in the Moon seems to make these people in order to protect children, but Pitch is the polar opposite of that reason. He wants to terrify children, because that’s the only way he can be recognized. I suppose we can make the argument that fear is good, because without it a child cannot know courage, or something philosophical like that, but that would be me reading too much into it. But even if that was the case, Pitch is a little insane, and he doesn’t work toward that purpose. I don’t know. Maybe we have an evil spirit of gloom out there too.

• If children not believing in Guardians makes the Guardians lose their powers, wouldn’t it be better to not become a Guardian?

Let’s take a look at Jack. He’s a powerful winter spirit, but no one believes in him, and yet he still has all his powers. Everyone else, on the other hand, needs to rely on the belief of children. If they weren’t Guardians, Pitch’s plan to weaken them wouldn’t have worked. But it does. And it’s not like being a Guardian changes what they are. Tooth was probably out collecting teeth long before officially becoming a Guardian, and Santa and Bunnymund probably did what they’re doing now. All that’s changed is that they have an official title proclaiming them as protectors of children and a pointless stipulation giving them an exploitable weak spot.

At the end of the movie, Jack officially becomes a guardian, but only about six children believe in him at the current time. He should lose all his powers right then and there. Being a Guardian doesn’t affect who believes in them, but who believes in them does affect their ability to be a Guardian.

• As Saika pointed out, Chris Pine’s voice is way too old for a child.

Yeah, this isn’t really a plot hole or anything, but Chris Pine (the voice of Jack) does not sound like a kid and he will never pass as a child.

• Am I supposed to not feel bad for Pitch?

What’s his crime other than existing? He used to do what he does best until North and the others came and threw him down some hole to rot since the Dark Ages. I felt so bad that he found a kindred spirit in Jack and that Jack shut him down—albeit too quickly I thought, given the circumstances. Like, no wonder he doesn’t like any of the others. They’re all complete assholes to him, and Jack, despite knowing exactly what Pitch has gone through, has no sympathy whatsoever.

• So no one anywhere believes in the Boogeyman?

Apparently, the Boogeyman is a thing of the Dark Ages and no one anywhere, ever, at all believes in him. But even within the context of the movie, that makes no sense. At the end, Jamie and all his friends see Pitch, and Jamie even says that he believes in the Boogeyman, but that he’s just not afraid of him. Okay, I can get behind that. But people who don’t believe in the spirits cannot see them, and after Sandy comes back, none of the kids can see Pitch. My only conclusion is that they have some form of amnesia, because Jack finding his center by chucking snowballs at Pitch’s face is too horrifying to remember.

Other than all of that, it’s a good movie. I promise. I’m sure there are other things plot-wise I could find to complain about. At this point, my only other issue with it was the asshole on his cellphone in the theatre and the fact that the one viewing I went to happened to be in 3D. And yes, the 3D is still a pointless gimmick. And it gets even more pointless and obnoxious every time I see something in it.

Overall, though, this movie is a lot of fun, and plenty of effort definitely went into it. I don’t think I like it more than Brave, and Saika says Wreck-It Ralph is also a better movie, but we totally recommend this one too. Just try not to overthink the plot like I do.