Sexualized Saturdays, or Christmas is apparently only celebrated by straight couples.

I really wish this James Gunn controversy didn’t pop up as hard as it did this week. It took a lot away from the week. Mainly, THAT IT’S MUTHA-TRUCKEN CHRISTMAS TIME!

Oh, God, I’m sorry. That was awful. Just. Just jump.

So I thought this column would be suited for discussing gay and lesbian couples in some of our favorite Christmas movies. I knew I had one off the bat. Peppermint Patty and Marcie are regularly called a lesbian couple, and while I didn’t remember many speaking lines from either of the characters, I knew they would give me a start.

Until I watched Charlie Brown Christmas and discovered that both Marcie and Peppermint Patty aren’t even in the movie.

Seriously, look:

They aren’t in the movie. Promise.

And this wasn’t some random thing. This was a trend. Every Christmas classic I watched had no one with an ounce of homosexual tendencies in them. There could be an argument that, because Home Alone’s Kevin McAllister was disgusted by the Playboy magazine in Buzz’s room, he’s gay, but he’s also like eight, so that’s a stretch.

I did a quick Google search for “Christmas Movies, gay couples,” and found a bunch of Christmas movies on Amazon that are more comedies centered around drag culture.

There is seriously no Christmas movie about a family, complete with mom, mom and 2.5 kids? Or dad and dad?

This is 2012. We can do it. I have faith in Hollywood. There should be a movie with a homosexual couple celebrating Christmas. Screw the protests.

4 thoughts on “Sexualized Saturdays, or Christmas is apparently only celebrated by straight couples.

  1. It’s not a matter of protests, I think it’s a matter of marketability.

    Then again, with the way a lot of atheists come out of the woodwork to protest practically everything about Christmas, it might have to do with protests.

    The fact is that the vast majority of humans are heterosexual, and like to see heterosexual things. If you have a gay couple, you run into the problem that most men won’t want to see it (not just because they are programed to be confused and a bit leery of male homosexuality and it’s often…strange…attitudes when compared to those of most men, Correction, the “stereo-type” of typical gay attitudes. I know a number of gay men who act like hetero-men, but this doesn’t fit societies model as presented to us by the gay community, so you are left with the otherworldly “gay” type that would be required for such a movie). Which, frankly, confuses the heck out of most men. And most women won’t want to see it because, well, except for yaoi obsessed fan girls…gay dudes are “stereo-typically” fine for being “best friends” but they really don’t seem to have much use to hetero-sexual women (unless you count daytime tv shows about fashion), especially in the realms of wish fulfillment, which lets face it, in my experience most women like romantic Christmas movies because they escape into the realm of a caring, handsome man that saves the holidays, or they escape into the idea of a family coming together after a year of strife.

    And it’s hard to escape into wish fulfillment when you can’t replace the woman with yourself, because the woman is another guy.

    The situation isn’t that different for if you use a lesbian couple, except you have the razors edge to walk that is possibly even sharper than with a gay couple. Sure, guys might be interested in seeing a movie about two women as a couple, but that means sexualizing the characters which gets protested as exploitative, sexist, and demeaning (oh hey look, a protest). And then you have women who won’t want to see it because they aren’t interested, and they don’t want their boyfriends/husbands to see it because they think the guy would pay more attention to the hot lesbians than to her (because while many a woman thinks it’s okay to lust after a good looking man, a man is still a pig if he looks at another woman). Of course, you could treat the lesbian couple the same way as they did in the L Word, an episode of which I caught. And if the rest of the episodes were like the one I saw…well, no man is going to want to see it. Not because he has anything against lesbians, but because it would be filled with the hyper-emotional (at least to men) atmosphere that at best generally has us spinning around in confusion like a beyblade top. And then of course, you’re going to have to deal with the choice for hetero-women which would be: emotional story about two lesbians bonding over Christmas, or finding some sweet fantasy fulfillment in whatever made for tv movie with the sweet hunk she can dream about emotionally (and maybe sexually) fulfilling her in ways her current relationship “doesn’t.”

    So that cuts out a large market, even of those who are open and egalitarian in regards to gay rights.

    I don’t mean this to sound horribly sexist (though I’m sure it does, but I think I’ve managed to hit everyone equally, so maybe that’s okay.) The fact is though, that one can either make a holiday special about a gay or lesbian couple, but if they break the “stereotypes” then most people (including I think, a number of gay or lesbians) would be like “Huh?” And if they played the stereotypes, they’d be protested for being stereotypical, and most people would be like “hey, isn’t that nice, okay now let’s go watch Frosty or Grinch.”

    My humble thoughts.

    • Thanks for reading. I appreciate your feedback. I do, however, disagree with you, simply for the fact that if 20% percent of the world is gay (http://www.gallup.com/poll/6961/what-percentage-population-gay.aspx) then it should be allowed that one in every five Holiday movies could be with a homosexual couple, or at the very least a person that just happens to be gay, not that they are so gay it becomes a Hollywood caricature. Not that they need to be, but for Hollywood to create a fair representation of the world, that would be the way to go.

      • your disagreement is fair and understood. I didn’t realize that 20% of the world was homosexual now, but that is an interesting number. I don’t know that it changes much, since that still leaves 80% of the world as heterosexual, and outside of the Western countries, not a lot of them are all that friendly to homosexuality (some are lethally hostile).

        I agree that if we go with base statistics, one in five movies about the holidays should have a gay person, or two in them. I don’t know that said two people automatically have to be together, but eh, it’s a romantic notion, so we’ll run with it. Then again, this is Hollywood we’re talking about, a fair representation of the world is not going to happen with them. Considering that often enough heterosexual people don’t get a fair representation, rather than a stereotyped one, out of Hollywood…

        Yeah.

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