Ugh. I was really hoping this episode would be good. I hoped so hard. It turns out this episode was so atrocious that I don’t even want to review it. It was a clusterfuck on literally every front and I’m pretty sure it only scrapes by as not-the-worst-S8-ep because “Man’s Best Friend with Benefits” is still a thing that exists.
So we start out with Sam and Dean investigating the files and records in the Batcave, trying to find information about “curing” a demon. After some digging and awkward exposition journeys, they discover that there is a way: a way that is torturously painful for the demon (and, I assume, the person they’re wearing). This discovery comes care of some videos where—shockingly—all the people we see being tortured for the cure are either women or minorities. Sigh. They also discover a demon-proofed dungeon in the back room of the Batcave.
Then, hard-pressed for a demon to try their nastiness on, they dig up and piece Abbadon back together but are interrupted by Crowley. In the following mess, Abbadon escapes, because for some reason the boys did not see fit to put her in the fucking demon dungeon they’d just discovered.
Turns out Crowley’s finally got his hands on Carver Edlund’s magnum opus, and he’s putting hits out on anyone who managed to survive an episode with the boys in past seasons in order to bully them into not closing the gates.
On the Castiel side of things, Dean is mad at Cas for running off and playing it incommunicado. The two of them argued, and Dean left Castiel at home while the bros headed out to do their Abbadon thing. While all that fuckery was happening, Castiel, in what is possibly the only good scene in the episode, went shopping to restock the food in the Batcave, buying things that, it’s obvious, he hoped would get him back in Dean’s good graces.
That happy time is shattered quickly, however, because this episode just can’t allow anyone to be happy about anything ever. Metatron shows up, and, in the space of like, a two minute chat, convinces Castiel that he needs to close the gates of Heaven because the angels are like a family that needs to be shut up in a room until they sort out their differences. They visit a random restaurant, and the Metatron points out a woman who works there, saying that she’s a Nephilim, a child from a human and angel union. The first trial to close the gates of Heaven—way to bury the lede on that plot point, Supernatural writers—is to cut out a Nephilim’s heart, and she happens to be the only one in existence.
On Sam and Dean’s side, the next person on Crowley’s hit list turns out to be Sarah Blake from Season 1, whose return I was so excited to see. Well, fuck you very much, Supernatural, because it turns out that they’re totally unable to save her, and she chokes to death on the floor while Sam and Dean, arguably the best hunters on the entire planet, fail at finding the hex bag that’s killing her. Following this gratuitous and unnecessary fridging, we see that Sam “Pollyanna” Winchester appears to have given up hope on the future of… anything. Yeah, well, join the fucking club, Samuel. I’ve hoped for ages that Sarah would return as a badass hunter, and, hey, mom and continuing art-merchant-person is great too, but instead I get this utter garbage.
On Castiel and “Marv” the Metatron’s side, Castiel appears to have totally forgotten a) how much he values free thinking; b) his desire to stop killing folk because of his regret about the blood on his hands; and c) the whole “family don’t end with blood” theme and the fact that the Winchesters et al were better family to him in four years than the angels were in millenia. On the Metatron’s word, they track down the Nephilim woman and attack and kill her, despite her attempts to defend herself.
I’m just… so. disgusted. with this episode, you guys. The concept of Nephilim is as old as Genesis, first of all, so for them to just throw it into an episode and then throw it right back out again is really irritating. Furthermore, who the fuck was the angel babydaddy/babymomma? Literally the only angel I can think of who would have the opportunity and inclination is Gabriel. But what does it matter? She was the only one of her kind and now she’s dead so who the fuck even cares.
I have been really just exhausted and disillusioned by Supernatural this week because of the tremendous wankfest that was last weekend’s NJCon, and I needed this episode to be good to make me feel like I could give a flying fuck about this show. And now next week’s the season finale and I don’t even give a good goddamn because if this is how Season “gr8″ ends—”gr8” in quotes because it’s fallen out of my good gr8ces pardon the pun, how am I supposed to care about Season 9?
Look at me. I don’t even have the energy to make a clever and pointed reference to the fact that Adam’s still in Hell.