I am officially one billion percent done with this fucking show! Congratulations Supernatural, you’ve become the new Heroes: you now suck so much that all I can hope for is that show is cancelled. It’s sad because I really love the actors, but even that can’t make up for the bullshit that was last night’s episode.
So I’m here to tell all the people reading this review, especially those who have considered watching Supernatural, don’t watch this show. If you are interested in the show, just read the fanfic. Hell, I will write you fanfic so that you don’t have to watch the fucking show.
I guess I should explain why this episode “Holy Terror” is the straw that finally broke the camel’s back for me.
Big Goddamn Spoilers Below!
I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s try to do a brief recap. So the episode starts with a group of pretty blonde female angels disguised as a Christian glee club and attacking another group of angels disguised as Christian bikers (Which, btw, isn’t that weird, Dean—not every Christian is a fucking straight-laced WASP). The pretty girls kill all the bikers, and eventually we learn that the bikers were a part of Bartholomew’s faction of angels who are currently fighting for dominance against Malachi’s faction.
Who is Malachi? We don’t fucking know, apparently an angel anarchist who is just fucking evil. Excellent writing—well done Supernatural. Malachi at first wants to join forces with Bartholomew to take on Metatron, but Bartholomew refuses, so Malachi kills his right-hand lady. Bartholomew responds by killing Malachi’s right-hand lady, because all women must die on this show.
Sam and Dean, of course, hear about all the angel murdering and go to investigate against Ezekiel’s wishes. They discover Castiel is already there, looking better and doing the hunter thing. Dean is pissed to see Cas because Ezekiel doesn’t want him there. This is despite the fact that last time Dean saw Cas, he was all upset that Cas was trying to live a normal life. No wonder Cas is so confused by everything Dean does. Dean pushes Cas to leave again, but not before they laugh about how hot the reaper girl they killed was, thus making every SPN serial killer alternate universe seem plausible. This awful scene also spoke to the very forced heterosexuality of the characters. The whole thing basically screamed, “Look at Dean and Cas talk about hot chicks! They are such bros. So fucking straight. Do you see how straight they are!” Thank you, Supernatural, would you like to remind me one more time how fucking straight everyone is!
During this, Ezekiel takes over Sam and runs into Metatron, who left heaven because it’s boring now with no one there (duh, Metatron). Metatron reveals that Ezekiel is actually the angel Gadreel, who was stupid enough to let the serpent (aka Lucifer) into paradise to corrupt the humans and was locked up by God for it. Metatron asks Gadreel to join him in making a new heaven but says he has to kill someone to prove his loyalty.
Cas, meanwhile, prays for help and a pretty female angel comes to help him, but because this show fucking sucks Malachi finds them, tortures them both, and kills our female angel, again, of course. It’s during this that Cas learns that Ezekiel is dead. He kills one of Malachi’s angels and steals his grace so he can warn Dean.
When Dean hears this, he gets Kevin’s help to so that he can talk to Sam without Gadreel listening in, but since Dean is an ass, he doesn’t tell Kevin why he is doing this. Sam shows up and Dean tells him what happened, but it was Gadreel the whole time. He claims Sam is dead, and then fucking murders Kevin Tran! And that’s how the episode ends.
So in the span of one episode, three women are murdered, one is tortured and murdered, Dean and Cas laugh about a hot girl they killed, and our only recurring character of color is murdered to further Dean’s already extensive manpain.
How Kevin is killed is the worst of all. He is approached by Sam, not knowing “Sam” is actually a murderous angel, so Kevin has no chance to defend himself or even die a hero’s death like the white boys always get (hell, even Meg got a hero’s death and she wasn’t even totally redeemed yet). And why is this? Because Dean needs to learn that keeping secrets doesn’t fucking make friends! Really, because Dean didn’t learn that every other fucking season. Because the writing sucks so much we have to kill Kevin to teach it to him again. Thank you, Supernatural, thank you for that powerful life lesson.
But on top of that, the writing is terrible. I still don’t care about Bartholomew and I don’t know or care about Malachi. They may be more uninteresting villains than the Leviathans in season seven. I guess Metatron is an okay villain. He at least has a backstory and is actually relevant to the story, which is why it makes so little sense that he didn’t show up until the midseason finale. And maybe I’m living in the past, but I’m sick of roundabout references to season five while the show simultaneously tries to act like no other season existed before season eight.
So yeah, this episode had terrible writing, was sexist and racist, and now I’m done. At this point the only thing that can fix the show for me is if God returns as a glorious woman of color who brings Kevin and Meg back, marries Charlie and Dorothy, yanks Adam out of hell, and kills everyone else.
In short: fuck this show; bye! I’ll be in the Teen Wolf fandom if anyone needs me.