The cracker was square and made of thin strands of baked wheat that all ran in the same direction, and there was a grid pattern on it from having been stamped with something like a meat tenderizer. So all the crackers were formed in a very long sheet, then stamped en masse, baked, and then shuffled into a bag and packaged in this box that had a square (cracker) shaped hole cut into the back, with a dotted arrow pointing at it, commanding that he “GROW DILL!” in all capital letters, just like that.
There was a larger square of cardboard glued to the back of the square hole, and Sherlock tore this off and tossed the rest of the box back onto the table. From this square of cardboard, one could apparently GROW DILL! Sherlock retrieved the box and read the instructions. See what the idle hours had reduced him to? John would regret ever having sought gainful employment when the flat was overtaken by DILL! on account of Sherlock’s new and determined agricultural pursuits. “Get a hobby,” John had said. Well.
—from Seeds by thesardine
In honor of the BBC Sherlock premiere (finally!) this past Wednesday, today’s Fanfiction Fridays is a lovely Sherlock fic by thesardine.
When there are suddenly no interesting cases in London, Sherlock falls into what John might term a “massive strop”. As John has rather frankly told Sherlock to get a hobby, Sherlock decides to appropriate all of John’s kitchen utensils to start a garden. The results are more touching than you might expect. Guys, every little thing about this fic is perfect. This Sherlock is just as melodramatic and unbearably intelligent as he is in canon, and the prose brings Sherlock closer to the reader than any first-person narration would. Unexpected use of all caps, little sarcastic asides, a whole thesaurus’s worth of synonyms—this is the bustling interior of Sherlock’s head, as busy and as frantic as London’s Leicester Square on a Saturday.
Most of all, this fic paints a hilarious and heartbreaking picture of what it’s like to live as Sherlock Holmes. The BBC’s version of Sherlock is a Grade A dickhead, but he never seems to realize just how dickish he is (case in point: within a day of meeting John, Sherlock’s using him as a barometer of human decency) and similarly, the BBC Sherlock never seems to realize just how bad at self-care he really is. Yes, he has a huge ego, but that shouldn’t mean he isn’t allowed to be happy, especially when he isn’t solving crimes. Sherlock’s never understood that, and he’s openly disbelieving when John tells him he’s allowed to smile. This fic has some of the most accurate descriptions of life with depression that I’ve ever read, and it somehow manages to still be laugh-out-loud hilarious. Depression is by its very nature not the most comical thing in the world, so thesardine deserves all the kudos for this magnificence. So many of Sherlock’s reactions rang true to me that I almost wished I was Sherlock, just so I could have a John to say those lines to me.
I wanted to quote you all some of my favorite parts, but they are all at the end of the fic and thus quoting them would ruin the wonderful cadence of this story. That just means you should read it right now so I can tell you about them later!