Trailer Tuesdays: Cinderella

Welcome back from our New Year’s hiatus, all! We’re jumping right back into our usual groove with a review of a snoozeworthy new trailer. Yep, a new Cinderella retelling is premiering later this year, and, well, I can’t begin to explain how unexcited I am about it. For you guys, though, I’ll give it my best shot.

Kenneth Branagh has done some cool stuff from a directorial position. Hell, look at the first Thor movie. But I’m not sure what inspired this film. The market is more than glutted with fairy tale retellings and reimaginings, and while I love the remixed fairy tale as a concept, there has to be something about the story that’s remixed or I’m not going to care. Ella Enchanted (the book, not the cringeworthy movie) respun the Cinderella story well, and so did Miranda Lo’s Ash. Unfortunately, this movie doesn’t seem to be diverging from the original Disney Cinderella cartoon at all—it’s just a big-budget redo. You can tell, because the whole plot of the film is there in the trailer, from her father’s marriage to her evil stepmother all the way to the prince coming with the glass slipper at the end. The stepsisters are both unattractive in face and deed, with matching hideous dresses; the stepmother has a nasty black cat; Cinderella tries to wear her mother’s pink dress to the ball and has it ripped to shreds.

Actually, I take that back. There are a few things that are different from the animated movie, but these little changes only serve to worsen the film from a feminist perspective. For one thing, Cinderella’s heels are freaking huge, like Lady Gaga high; there’s no way a woman who’d never worn heels could dance in them, let alone run down a flight of stairs without breaking an ankle.

I would literally just tilt face-first out of those onto the floor.

I would literally just tilt face-first out of those onto the floor.

And don’t come at me saying they’re magic shoes, it’s still an unrealistic standard, just like this Cinderella’s horrifyingly thin waistline is. And for another, the fairy godmother, played by Helena Bonham Carter in a rare good-character role, is now a beautiful woman in a poofy dress rather than a kind-if-unattractive old lady. God forbid any good characters be visually unappealing—after all, only bad people can be ugly.

I will give the film that; it’s definitely full of attractive people. Attractive, pale-as-milk people, that is. There’s maybe two people of color in the whole trailer; one who appears to be a supporting character at the palace and one a mouse-turned-footman. Come on, people, the Rodgers and Hammerstein Cinderella movie from 1997—eighteen years ago, holy shit—had more diversity in it than this.

I’m honestly just kind of embarrassed that this movie got greenlit at all. I don’t see anything new or exciting about it; it’s literally just a bunch of beautiful white cishet people getting everything they ever wanted. If I wanted to watch that, I’d turn on almost any other movie that’s ever been made, fantasy or not, in the last century. Count me out for this Cinderella, folks. I’ll just be sitting here waiting for them to adapt Ash for me.

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7 thoughts on “Trailer Tuesdays: Cinderella

  1. Around the time in the trailer it looks like the (oddly tan) Prince was saving her on a runaway horse, I just went “I should go home and watch Ever After.”

  2. Okay, I have a suggestion if anyone was to make another Cinderella adaption. What if the fairy godmother turned out to be her mom’s ghost. Like after Cinderella mom died, she turned into this mystical being watching over her daughter. And the moments between them would be sweet and heartbreaking. I think if they would go that route, the story would have a deeper meaning. Since I’m an aspiring writer, I hope to make this a short story or novel.

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  6. My favorite version of Cinderella, after Ever After, is A Cinderella Story. The Hillary duff version. Sure it wasn’t much of a fairytale but I liked the way they modernized it.
    I wasn’t exactly rooting for Austin, the prince, to get the girl. I was kind of hoping that she would end up with her friend who had been by her side the whole movie but whatever.

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