Fanfiction Fridays: and as I recall you used to be mine by likebrightness

Saika and I finally finished Jessica Jones this week, and of course, the first thing I did was rush off to AO3 to see if anyone was writing about Jessica and Trish Walker together. When we started the show, I knew that Jess was supposed to be in a relationship with Luke Cage, so when Saika asked me who I thought Trish was, I didn’t really have any good ideas. Two episodes later, though, my response was just !!!!!

Not to be outdone by my shouting, the show only proceeded to get queerer from there.

Not to be outdone by my shouting, the show only proceeded to get queerer from there.

However, despite the clear subtext, Jessica Jones never gave me enough of Trish and Jess’s backstory. I spent a lot of the time wondering why we were hearing about Hogarth’s love woes and why Simpson was even a thing, and not enough time hearing about how Trish and Jessica met. Whether or not they had been in a relationship, the girls had grown up together, and I’d hoped we could get more than one flashback ep out of that. Fortunately, fanfic is here to help.

and as I recall you used to be mine is a fic that threads Jess and Trish’s relationship through the scenes of the show, taking it from pre-series to post-series and really laying out what the two of them mean to each other and how they relate to each other. It’s from Trish’s point of view, so we get to see why she thinks of Jess as a hero and we get her worry over Kilgrave and her anger over her childhood. Most importantly, we get to see how Jess, a difficult person, fits perfectly into Trish’s difficult life, and through the fic, we can clearly see the impact Jess’s relationship with Trish had on the actions Jess takes in Jessica Jones. It’s a great complement to the show.

Trish takes Jess to her apartment, not Jess’s. She wants it to be their apartment again. She doesn’t know how to tell Jess that. Doesn’t know how to tell Jess anything real, right now. Jess has enough on her mind and Trish doesn’t want to make it worse.

Instead she gets Jess set up on the couch with a whiskey and orders take out. They watch Grey’s Anatomy on the DVR and Trish points out every ridiculous moment. Jess doesn’t smile, but she does scoff and say is there no where else to have sex in Seattle? when people start going at it in the on-call room. Trish feels like that’s better than a smile.

Trish gives Jess more than half of the orange chicken when their food arrives, plus the extra fortune cookie—since they ordered enough that the restaurant thought they were feeding three.

When they’ve finished their food and watched the last DVR’d episode and should be getting ready for bed, Trish can’t stop herself from saying the thing that’s been in the back of her mind all night.

She takes a deep breath. Lets it all out at once as she says, “It can’t be like last time, Jess.”

Jess looks at her, looks away.

“I’m serious,” Trish says. “You can’t leave me. You can’t cut me out.”

Jess’s hands fidget in her lap.

Trish doesn’t want to push. Trish knows pushing is a surefire way to make Jess run, but Trish still has the ribbons of anxiety in her, the ache of loneliness from the past six months. She knows Jess is in a crazy place right now; she doesn’t want to put any demands on her, but she isn’t sure she can handle being left again.

“Please,” Trish says. “Just try to stay.”

As a Jessica Jones fic, as I recall you used to be mine has some thorough discussion of mind control, panic attacks, rape, and Kilgrave, so read at your own discretion. However, the fic is more real for these elements, and though it sticks very close to canon, by expanding Jess and Trish’s relationship beyond the confines of the show, it becomes clear that their relationship is romantic, not platonic. It’s a short fic at 5k, and you can read it here on the AO3!


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