Trailer Tuesdays: Resident Evil Retribution

I never really got into the games for Resident Evil, with the exception of the forth one, which I played in Japanese, though they kept the English voice actors; however, despite my rampant not knowledge, I’m pretty sure I know a tad more about them Paul W. S. Anderson. When the first movie came out, it didn’t seem too bad, and I hadn’t yet realized that Alice wasn’t a character in the games. I actually confused her with Lisa and waited patiently for her to turn into a zombie, but that didn’t happen, because Lisa appeared for about two seconds and then died.

It was then that I realized Alice was a completely original character who had nothing to do with anything.

And while the first movie or two may have been passable, at this point in the franchise, Resident Evil is beyond redemption without a complete reboot. The movies now feel as though Anderson cannot separate Alice from his wife in his own head and just wants to make her look amazing for an hour and a half. The last movie barely had a story; it just showed off how kickass Alice was despite her not-powers, which still let her do superhuman feats. And more than half that movie felt as though it existed for the sake of 3D, and 3D doesn’t make a story. Nor does it give Alice any kind of personality that she so desperately needs.

The movies and games have nothing in common anymore, outside a few named characters, and every once in a while little tidbits from the games are thrown in, which just confuse people. Because they don’t make sense to anyone who hasn’t played the games, and people who have played them sit there thinking, “That doesn’t belong.”

So let’s talk about the trailer, which tries to trick us the exact same way the trailer for Resident Evil Extinction did, only now instead of a casino, we have some iPhone commercial telling us to imagine what life would be like without technology. That seems like the wrong thing to imagine in this situation, given that technology didn’t die with the rest of humanity in the movies. Hell, looking at the Alice clones and self-destruction of the Umbrella bases and everything else they have, I’d say technology is doing pretty good.

Here’s something that might make an emotional impact: how about imagining what life will be like when everyone you know is dead and trying to consume you for dinner. I know I personally won’t be thinking “Damn, I miss the internet” if my parents ever try eating my face off.

And this may be nitpicking, but I’m pretty sure given the time frame of the first two movies, that the iPhones it’s telling us to imagine not having wouldn’t have ever been invented. The beginning is just a waste of space, but hey, I hope someone got paid well for that product placement.

Also, I know she does this every movie, but does she absolutely have to say, “My name is Alice”? We’re five movies in; I’m sure we all know who she is by now.

And then there’s Michelle Rodriguez, who dies in every movie she’s in. And in case you’re wondering, yes, she was in the first movie, and she died there too. I guess she’s back, because why not? Continuity?

I can only hope that they wrap up the series after this one. And then maybe we’ll get a reboot that has the decency to at least make some sense.

Movie Review: Underworld Awakening

I don’t know if I’ve said it before or not, but I really hate 3D. Unfortunately, due to poor planning on my part, my friend and I were unable to watch the 2D showing for Underworld Awakening, and instead had to suffer through those detestable glasses. This is what happens when you procrastinate everything in your life, including driving to the theater; you miss the showing you actually wanted to go to. I probably wouldn’t be against 3D so much if it weren’t for already needing glasses to see the screen, and if it didn’t cause a headache.

But that’s okay, because some asshole I ran into online the other day told me that a simple procedure will solve that problem. In order to enjoy the movies, all I need is ocular surgery!

Spoilers ahead for Underworld Awakening.

Trailer Tuesdays: The Dark Knight Rises

Unfortunately, this is going to be the last installment in Christopher Nolan’s Batman Universe. It’s a bit of a shame, since his movies are just so good, and The Dark Knight Rises looks to be living up to its predecessors thus far. I’m a little worried that this movie will make me want another, but there won’t be another, as Christopher Nolan has said, as the trailer feels the need to remind us.

And though I’m excited for Bane, I think there was about no more than four collective seconds of Christian Bail in the Batman Suit. Impressive, considering the movie is about Batman and also considering that the trailer is over two minutes long.

On a happy note, this will not be in 3D. I don’t think I’ve mentioned before how much I hate 3D, simply because movie makers are using it as a cheap gimmick they obviously put no effort into in order to get an extra ten bucks out of movie goers. That, and because I already wear glasses and don’t want another pair over them, and because 3D gives me a headache.

Christopher Nolan actually fought with the studio to keep this movie in 2D. And he did that because the first two movies were in 2D. That’s not to say Mr. Nolan is against 3D, because from what I can figure from interviews, he likes the idea. He just doesn’t believe in quickly slapping it onto movies and not caring about what it looks like to make some extra money. That’s why we didn’t get Inception in 3D. He started the conversion process, realized he didn’t have enough time to make it look nice, and gave us the normal version.

It’s really kinda nice that he’s a director who cares so much about the final product. So here’s hoping The Dark Knight Rises will live up to the same standard as his other movies.