Web Crush Wednesdays: Food Network Humor

Sometimes you get drawn into a fandom you never expected, a fandom you never knew existed, and for me this stared before I ever truly knew what being a fan of something was. As a kid, my parents used to placate me and my brother by sitting us in front of the television, as many parents do, and while we enjoyed the classics like Rugrats and Cow and Chicken, I veered from the cartoony path slightly. My televised love didn’t take the shape of an animated figure; he wore glasses, went to ‘Bed, Bath, and Beyond’, and talked about science. Yes, it’s true: Alton Brown was my first crush and my first fandom was Food Network.

I know it’s difficult to believe, but Food Network does indeed have its own fandom, its own fanfiction, and their own annoying fanpeople of a sort—they’re definitely not as vocal as some fans I’ve seen, but sometimes it’s hard to get excited over Cupcake Wars (like, all the time). We have our own ‘stans’ (people that viciously support a certain person), and let me tell you, the hate-following behind annoying chef extraordinaire, Bobby Flay, warms my cold, shriveled heart. No site documents these actions better than Food Network Humor.

Er, documented.

Unfortunately, FNH has gone on an indefinite hiatus after creator Jillian Madison became burned out on all the craptastic new shows Food Network began shoveling out. I can’t blame her. However, she kindly has kept all the posts up so old readers and newbies alike can enjoy her sardonic humor when discussing things like how Guy Fieri mispronounces his last name or Sandra Lee’s horrendous Kwanzaa cake.

As this is essentially a gossip site, there are a plethora of articles reveling in the juicy gossip happening behind the scenes, not to mention several articles that reveal some of your favorite chefs’ opinions on women and the LGBT* community (For instance, Guy Fieri? Not a fan of the latter and quite possibly the former too). I revel in all this information: it’s so satisfying to see the little cracks of imperfection in people that are built up to be such pillars of their community. However, this site has also given me a great love for Paula Deen, who loves the site and is quite open about how she has become kind of a joke to the greater internet public. It has also kept my love for Mr. Brown at an all-time high, as he is pretty much the most amazing person on the Food Network and doesn’t take shit from any of his co-workers (and, surprise! Actually knows about food).

My favorite, and MadameAce’s favorite, portion of the site though, are the ridiculous recipes people find on Food Network’s main site, and damned if some of them lead me to wonder if we’re all going to be forced to live off of Hamburger Helper and other boxed foods in the future. Let me show you an oldie, but goodie as an example:

Excuse me while I let out a few tears; whether they be of laughter or horror, I may never know.

I know I’m not the only one waiting for the triumphant return of this blog. Indeed, we are legion, we are many—well, there are a lot of us anyways. Until then, I suppose I’ll have to make due with watching the weekly cake battles and yelling at people on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives that no, you really don’t need that much pepper in your damn sandwich. My work is never done.