Trailer Tuesdays: Jack the Giant Slayer

Okay, can we talk about how horrifically underwhelmed I am by this movie? If I have to sit through this trailer again in front of a genre movie I actually want to see, I’m going to scream. It’s 2013, and the gritty fairytale reboot thing isn’t just tired, it’s exhausted. At this point in the game, it’s not okay to just turn a fairy tale into an action movie. There has to be a twist. Look at Once Upon A Time. None of those characters is just what we know from a fairy tale. Snow White and the Hunstman wasn’t great, but at least it wasn’t the exact same story over again. Even freaking Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters had a new take on an old story. This is just Jack and the Beanstalk writ large, and although I’m sure the trailer’s an accurate representation of the movie, nothing about it makes me want to go shell out ten to fifteen bucks to see it. I don’t think even Ewan MacGregor can save this mess.

This was supposed to come out last summer; in fact, MadameAce did a review of the trailer back when it was called Jack the Giant Killer. I don’t know which trailer I like better. The older one looks like a better movie, at least, with fewer terrible sight gags and puns, where the newer one gives Miss Kidnapped Princess a little agency. I really can’t pick, but I still probably wouldn’t see either.

I know genderbending isn’t always the answer, but you know what would have made this movie better? A female Jack.

Seriously, it could be short for Jacqueline or something, and she could be the original Jack’s daughter… or something. There’s your twist on the old tale. Imagine everything about this trailer staying the same, except there’s a spirited young action heroine instead. Ten times awesomer, no? We proved to Hollywood last year with movies like The Hunger Games that a female-led film doesn’t mean a wasted investment. I wish they’d run with that.

More to the point, it’s kind of depressing that Nicholas Hoult is hotter as a zombie than as a fairy tale hero; seriously, what’s with Jack’s weird hair?

Trailer Tuesdays: Jack the Giant Killer

I don’t know why, but lately the movie makers have been going on a spree of interpreting old folklore. I mean, we’ve already had a retelling of things like Alice in Wonderland, and a new Snow White movie is underway. On top of those we’ve even gotten retellings of Beauty and the Beast and Little Red Riding Hood, but since they ended up being cheap, unimaginative Twilight knockoffs, let’s not count them.

But what the hell, I’m not going to complain about real life adaptions of some of my favorite childhood stories—so long as they’re not based on Twilight. This movie in particular leaves me a little apprehensive. Alice in Wonderland, for example, was a terrible remake that sold itself off the fact that Johnny Depp played the Mad Hatter, and I’ve yet to see Snow White and the Huntsman, but considering that it was made by the same people, I’m more than a little worried for it, despite how promising it appears to be.

Though apprehensive, I find myself with a bit more faith in this movie. I’ve seen a couple live-action versions of Jack and the Giant Bean Stalk already, made with all the innovative ideas that the eighties and nineties brought us, so as you can guess, they weren’t very good. This newer version is brought to us by the guy behind the last X-Men movie—so I’m not sure if it should surprise anyone that the only notable girl in the trailer is a kidnapped princess—so the movie can’t be too bad.

Despite any negativity I seem to have for the film, this does look like something worth checking out, and hell, it looks like it has the potential to be a damn good movie.