Some characters are easier than others…
Tsunderin: Sometimes looking for bad fanfiction is just like shooting fish in a barrel. This is the case with larger fandoms like Harry Potter and Hetalia: sure there are those fics that are just awful, but there are also an abundance of really good, well-thought-out fics. However, sometimes it’s easier, like stabbing a fish you just bought pre-packaged at a grocery store—you know what your chances of success are well before actually preforming the action. This is the case with the Naruto fandom. It’s not even the plethora of OC fics floating around, rather it seems as if no one in this fandom can get the characterization of any of the characters correct. Naruto becomes a hyperbole of stupidity, every older ninja (jounin/-kage) suddenly is driven only by sex and are tricked by the stupidest of plot devices, Sakura is either made out to be a completely evil slut or somehow with Itachi, and Sasuke is an emo little—oh wait.
Surprisingly, the author of this particular fic has managed to keep the characters true to form.
MadameAce: Well, not really. She only manages to not destroy the characterization of canon characters because canon characters don’t actually appear in her story. Tsunade and Gaara cameo, and the Amekage gets a brief couple of paragraphs—wait, there is no Amekage in Naruto, so never mind. While both Tsunade and Gaara are OOC to an extent, they don’t do enough to be considered part of the story. What it really comes down to is that the author wanted to write an original story, but didn’t want to take the time to develop a world for her OCs to live in, so she used Naruto’s. Though that’s also an understatement, because halfway through the first chapter we end up in a forest that doesn’t exist, and halfway through the second chapter, we end up in Hell. No, seriously. Naruto has nothing to do with the story. Reading through Moonlight Vampiress’s The Devil and the Evil Angel, I had to keep reminding myself that this was a Naruto fanfiction. Let me reiterate, this has nothing to do with Naruto. There’s really nothing else for me to say regarding that, other than that this is not a fanfiction, but it’s on fanfiction.net. So what the hell, right? WHY IS THIS A FANFICTION?!
Tsunderin: The ‘not-really-a’ fanfic starts out with the audience being introduced to Axyrn—the strongest, most powerful, most lone-wolf-omg-am-I-cool-yet ninja ever—as he is instructed by Tsunade to go help out Gaara with a demon that’s attacking the sand village… for some reason. There is no reason for this plot device other than to a) show how weak and lame the actual canon characters are compared to Mr. Lone-Wolf and b) to show how Axyrn can beat the devil, but we’ll get to that later. Tsunade is reasonably concerned for Axyrn, seeing as it’s the fucking devil attacking them, but it’s cool. Man, didn’t you know? “Nothing is too much for Axyrn Tokigashi.” See that name? Swo~on! <3
While he travels to Gaara’s aid, we get the equally hardcore background of Axyrn. As with a good 70% of Naruto fancharacters, he has a Sharingan eye and relationship trouble. And he was also the leader of Organization XIII and the Dark Ones.
Are you fucking serious?
MadameAce: So… this is a crossover fanfic. Except that after the brief and painful flashback, Organization XIII and the Dark Ones are never mentioned again. Really? Well, now we know at least two things about the author. She’s lazy as fuck, and she’s in love with a boy named Ryan.
Tsunderin: Well, actually, I’m not too sure on the gender here. I looked up the name of the dumb sword he uses (the aptly stupidly named, Suizangoko) to see if it was just stolen from Bleach or something. Despite my initial thoughts, it ended up being his/her original creation. However, it did lead to a DeviantArt page with the screen-name “Ryan####”. So, either it’s a dude going on a massive ego trip or a chick living out her fantasies of her misguided perfect man. …Or someone that’s very confused.
MadameAce: Well, anyway, Axyrn is obviously a dude, noted by a very poor sex scene and his fascination with Ino Yamanaka—yeah, he kills her with fire for cheating on him. I loved how she got pregnant with random generic man’s child in the course of one day, too.
Axyrn goes to confront the devil in a forest located in the middle of a desert. Yes, that’s where the forest is. It’s not an oasis; it’s a forest. Thus commences the bad song fic. Neither Tsunderin nor I know how song fics are supposed to work, to be completely honest, but I assure you, the author doesn’t either. Axyrn and the devil fight. The devil wins, and says:
“You are an interesting human. How about I offer you something I have offered no one before.”
And what is this offer, you ask.
“My throne…I will take your soul and that will allow you to kill me…you can shoose to take it back if you wish after my death and you will be the ruler of hell.”
What a stupid deal. Who would even offer this to someone?
Oh, well. Remember, Axyrn, shoose wisely.
The Hardest Decision Axyrn Will Ever Make
Sorry about that. In a completely predictable turn of events, Axyrn accepts the deal and becomes the devil after getting his soul ripped out. Something that he seems strangely unemotional about. He screamed, sure, but there is no actual description saying how it felt. I mean, I scream when something accidentally falls into the garbage disposal and I turn it on. I doubt it’s the same kind of feeling.
MadameAce: One time a spider landed on my eye, and I screamed. It was almost like having my soul ripped out….
Tsunderin: Well, okay, I guess it might be. I mean, what do I know about having my soul ripped out? But to top this scene with the extra stupid whipped cream, the original devil finds himself frightened by the monstrosity of a Gary Stu he just created. And then he (the pre-devil) gets stabbed. The end. Talk about anti-climactic endings.
Wait… there are two more chapters? How the hell else can this get any—
Aida was kicked out of the mist village when she was five years old.
MadameAce: Shit, not another one. Yes, because a Gary Stu wasn’t enough, we needed another twat with her own emotional baggage that makes no sense. So we’re introduced to Aida—what a stupid generic name for a character. Like, could the author not even be bothered to find a better name? Did she just pick the first Japanese name she came across in alphabetical order?
So what’s Aida’s backstory?
Her family hated her for the demon that she held within her very being. When she had been a baby, she was unconsolable. She would not eat any baby food and would not stop crying no matter what. A travelling sage came to the town and told them that if they put a demon in her that the child would be more agreeable.
Aida: beautiful and Tr–wait, this sounds familiar…
Apparently demonic possession makes people nice. Yeah, her family hates her for the demon they chose to put in her. How do I even begin to talk about how much this doesn’t make sense? I don’t even need to, because anyone with a brain cell can realize how much wrong those four sentences contain. Also, yeah, that whole demon thing doesn’t work out. She massacres half her clan at the age of five and runs away, only to be taken in by the Amekage—seriously, who the hell’s the Amekage?
Oh, then he tries to rape her, so she kills him. And that’s about how much emotion is involved in that scene.
Tsunderin: Why in God’s name does this so-called ‘Amekage’ use the worst plot device ever?
“Because I know you are still an innocent and after taking you in I think I deserve payback.”
She murdered half her clan: she’s not innocent. Although he does get that payback he deserves, but it’s not for taking in the demon spawn; it’s for existing in this story. Especially when canon already has a perfectly acceptable water-Kage. But it’s a woman. OH WELL, FUCK CANON.
While she’s killing the Amekage, she sprouts wings (an aspect I’m entirely sure s/he put in just to match the lyrics of the song) and runs out into the forest crying. In fact, that is the one thing she does this entire fic. Cry. She is always. Fucking. Crying. Now, I’m not unsympathetic; she has been through a lot in a short span of time, but COME ON. Make it so I can feel bad for the demon-spawn murderer of two villages. So, we have Angel-face crying against a tree, when WHO should show up but Lone-Badass-Devil himself, Axyrn. Aida is rightfully scared of this dude—who just essentially told her that he has been stalking her since like, forever—but Axyrn “knows what [she] want[s].” And that is… A DUEL! No, no, it’s sexy time. SPOILER!
MadameAce: They kiss, fall in love in the span of two sentences, and go to Hell to have sex on a bed of fire. Oh, I should mention, they fall in love before they even know each other’s names. Well, before she knows his; he has been stalking her, after all. It’s at this point I have to wonder if she’s still five years old or not, but it’s best not to think about it.
She tasted the inside of his mouth as she kissed him and felt he tasted sweet.
She felt he tasted sweet? This is the worst sex scene I have ever read.
Tsunderin: I’ve read worse.
MadameAce: Really, I’m quite certain I haven’t—oh, never mind. I’ve read My Immortal, too.
This story suffers from a lot of mistakes commonly found in fanfiction with a few more that I have never seen before. Like The World With Grace and the issue of cancer, this story falls into the same pit, that is using traumatic events to make the audience pity the character while having no idea what that event entails. While I can give The World With Grace credit for being unique—I’ve never read a cancer fic before—The Devil and the Evil Angel uses the same issue found in every other Mary Sue story: rape. And looking through the author’s other fics, s/he does this a lot. And this is just not how rape works. Not only that, but a running theme in her stories is that the girl either saves herself—though otherwise is completely incapable—or gets saved before the rape is completed, so as to save her innocence. What does this say about actual rape victims? That if they couldn’t get away, they’re tainted and should be thrown out. Guess how many rape victims go, “No! My innocence!” Just about none. I’m quite certain any and all thoughts are focused more around, “OH GOD!” If even that. I went into shock during my personal experience and can’t even remember what my thoughts were, because none of them were coherent. Moreover, if the author’s main concern in this issue is loss of virginity to someone the victim doesn’t love, what does it say about rape victims who weren’t virgins?
Tsunderin: Another problem with this is that sexual assault in fanfiction is usually portrayed as a situation where the character is just too pretty and the men just can’t help themselves. Now, I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure these acts are based on demonstrations of power, not because someone is the most beautiful special snowflake in the world. Of course, this unrealistic portrayal of rape is how Moonlight Vampiress makes the love scene between Axyrn and Aida come across as well. As such, I can’t even bring myself to call it a love scene. There is no emotional attachment any deeper than, “You’re pretty and tragic. I’m pretty and tragic. Let’s fuck.” This of course exists in the real world but don’t try to play it off as something endearing and sweet. ‘Cause it’s not.
MadameAce: Additionally, this girl is weak. Axyrn’s bland personality would be bad enough, but Aida cannot do anything for herself emotionally. Despite her awesome demon abilities, she’s not strong, though the author tries to tell us otherwise. Aida also encompasses the idea that a girl needs a man to be happy, which she reminds us constantly about during the sex scene. While I would agree a significant other can make a person happier, it’s entirely possible for a person to have a fulfilling life without a partner.
And considering that this has nothing to do with Naruto and is therefore not a fanfiction, it has nothing to do with anything at all, though it tries and fails epically. If you want to write a fanfiction, write a fanfiction. If you want to write an original story, don’t post it on ff.net.
Tsunderin: Even as original fiction goes these characters are completely moronic and not thought out at all beyond being someone’s pipe dream. They have enough personality between them to fill a thimble half-way and there’s nothing about them to make the audience relate to them, much less care about what happens to them.
Let’s take a step back: both Axryn and Aida have killed countless people and gave up their humanity so they can fuck forever in Hell. And… what exactly about this makes them compelling? Sure, Aida got kicked out of her village (and rightfully so), but in the end she basically got rewarded for committing a heinous crime. There is no sense of consequences in this entire story. There are no lessons. There is no character development (except for Axyrn turning into even more of an insufferable douchebag). It just is there. So, the only reaction you can possibly have is to stare at it for a second and continue on your merry way. No one better for the experience.