MadameAce: So for those of you who haven’t yet seen it in all its glory, there is now a Christian-safe version of Harry Potter that you can enjoy. Our author, proudhousewife, wanted her children to be able to read Harry Potter, without the fear that the story would turn them into Satanic witches. And let’s face it: this is a pretty legitimate fear. After I read the first couple books, I immediately bought myself a wand and ran around screaming “Avada Kedavra” at people. Clearly, the devil has taken hold of my soul.
If only there had been a Christian-friendly version of the books I could have read back then. One that preferably condescends to small children, teaches girls that being both beautiful and in the kitchen is what glorifies God, insinuates that non-Christians and Catholics are incapable of love and achieving salvation, and tells us that evolutionists are stupid.
Hagrid laughed wisely. “Evolution is a fairytale. You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“Yes, I do!” Aunt Petunia screeched.
“Well then prove it!”
Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and she always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn’t even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!
Oh, thank goodness. All these years, I believed in evolution. I now know how wrong I was!
I have no idea whether Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles )—yes, there is actually a half parentheses in its title for some reason—is a parody or genuine. I’m also not sure that I care. I have finally seen the light.