With the second season of Syfy’s creepypasta inspired show, Channel Zero, well into its run, I figured it was finally time to sit down and watch its first season. You know. For science. Last year I showed off the trailer and addressed some of my worries surrounding this leg of the series, but I’ll give a quick recap. First of all, for those perhaps a little less internet-niche-y, “creepypasta” refers to short, scary (or attempting to be scary) stories that get passed around the internet until they become ingrained in that niche’s mind—or in the case of less serious creepypastas, they enter more mainstream meme status, such as the lines “who was phone” or “man door hand hook car door”.
Channel Zero’s first season, Candle Cove, was based off a well-beloved creeepypasta of the same name which, through forum posts, shows a short interaction between people remembering a children’s show from their past that may not have actually existed. As far as creepypasta-based media goes, Channel Zero is nowhere near the worst thing I’ve ever seen. However, it was disappointing to discover that most of my fears from my earlier post were well-founded, and that even though the creators had a clear love for the creepypasta itself, Channel Zero seemed to forget what made the story scary in the first place.
With the end of September not too long in the future, Halloween is practically just around the corner. Whether you’re waiting for those creepy final days of October or have been celebrating the spooktacular since the Fourth of July ended, for scare aficionados and average people who trawl the internet, one of the easiest ways to catch a scare these days is to read up on some creepypasta. We’ve slightly discussed creepypasta before, but as a refresher, “creepypasta” is typically the name given to scary stories written on the internet, especially by the anonymous hordes who frequent 4Chan. While many of these stories typically devolve into “there was this lost episode of [insert cartoon show] where some character died. Between that there were one frame pictures of various gory scenes, and something about bleeding hyperrealistic eyes,” SyFy seems to have latched onto one of the beloved oldies in hopes of making something truly terrifying for the holiday season. Me? I’m not so sure they can pull it off.
While cruising for my next source of distraction on Netflix, I stumbled upon The Almighty Johnsons. I love urban fantasy! As a post-Wiccan, eclectic neo-pagan (over-simplified, but it’ll do in a pinch), I love when polytheism and old pantheons are primary plot focuses! To top it all off, the show is a New Zealand production, from the same country that brought the rollicking adventures of Hercules and Xena to our television screens. I was sold. The acting is surprisingly good even when the writing isn’t, and I quickly made my way through the first season. It’s quirky, it’s captivating, it’s… often uncomfortable? Join me after the jump as I discuss Season 1. Spoilers ahead, and trigger warning for rape and rape culture.
Alternate titles considered include: Five White Guys
Lady Saika: Ohhh yeah, folks. You may not know this about me, but I am the biggest sap for terrible Syfy-channel original movies on this planet. I legit was Sharktopus for Halloween one year, I’m not even playing with you.
Hot, I know, right?
So imagine my incredulous delight when I saw the teaser trailer for Sharknado, a film that appears to have come about by putting a bunch of dangerous words in a hat and then grafting the first one they picked onto the word ‘shark’. (Hey, it worked for Sharktopus.)