Fanfiction Fridays: Dumbledore’s Army

as a metamorphmagus, i should be able to transform into any shape i want to be. but who is there to teach me? we are rare. the only metamorphmagus i know is long gone.

but at thirteen years old, puberty is beginning. and it’s not right. there are lumps on my chest that hurt when i press on them, shrink ever so slightly, but this is the default shape and i hate it.

i hate that i can’t control the only talent i seem to have.

“it’ll just take practice.”

that was what everyone said. and at first, it was funny, when my hair flashed different colours over an argument at dinner, and i woke up with a nose that protruded out of my face like a beak.

but now, in the privacy of my own room, it’s infuriating. i can’t look the way i want, and i can’t explain that to anyone else, because all they see is a girl.

“i’m not. i’m not.” i flop back down on the bed, face buried in the pillow. outside, various potter/weasley children play a game of tag up and down the street. they’re having fun, enjoying the summer sun while it’s out, and i’m up here, sulking. in how many more ways can i be different from the others?

as much as they tell me, harry and ginny aren’t really my parents. i’m not a potter, or a weasley. and now — how can this even be normal?

transgender. i already know what it means — at this point, i’m something of an expert. it means inwardly cringing every time someone says ‘she’. it means hiding the way i look, even to myself.

the adults know something’s up. this has been going on — badly — for weeks, ever since i got home from school. those changes had crept up on me during exams and now there’s nothing to distract me from the disaster happening right in front of me.

so now i hide. in my room, away from their casual inquiries.

lupin-tonksA week-ish ago, I found myself reading a fascinating article about the many ways in which Harry Potter has failed its queer fans. While the writer did predictably come down on the ultra-heteronormalizing Lupin/Tonks marriage, I was surprised to read that people had read not just Remus as queer, but Tonks as well. While it seems obvious in retrospect, I apparently missed that ship when it was sailing.

I set out to rectify this and acquire some fantastic queer Tonks headcanons, but the AO3’s tagging system, which I find notoriously hard to use effectively in the Harry Potter fandom in particular, thwarted me. I can’t be too mad, though, because my search turned up the fantastic fic Dumbledore’s Army.

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Fanfiction Fridays: Searching for Remus by ForgottenMoonbeam92

He had crept away here, burning, miserable, and his Gran had sent him to bed early, convinced he was falling ill. He had not had the courage to tell her what he had heard, or ask her further about his father. His illusions had fallen as he lay tossing that night, the words playing themselves over and over in his head. Left her…coward…abandoned them…helpless…

He arose the next morning with a new image in his head; that of a skulking, round-shouldered, rather balding man with a weak mind and heart. He knew that his father had been tall and broad-shouldered, but it soothed the ache a little to imagine his father worthless, undeserving of pity or compassion. He knew that there were parts of the story he was missing, but he knew that there was no excuse for what his father had done. And so he put Remus Lupin to the back of his mind, degraded and dethroned from the pedestal on which he had been raised.

—from ForgottenMoonbeam92’s Searching for Remus (x)

Harry Potter Remus LupinThis past week, the universe has been doing its damnedest to remind me that no, I will never truly leave the Harry Potter fandom. By far, my favorite reminder has been the countless number of posts I’ve seen lately that reveal Remus Lupin’s full name to mean “Wolfy Werewolf McWerewolfpants”. I share a love in the irony that all of Rowling’s werewolves have names that translate roughly to “I am a werewolf”, but for me, it adds another layer of ridiculous to one of my favorite characters; which I severely needed after the character assassination Lupin received in the last few books. Of course, there’s no way I can understand a character better than the author, and I don’t claim to. However, I always felt that Lupin’s later abandonment and sudden unwillingness to act like an adult—despite that being one of his main character traits—was a product of sloppy writing. For better or for worse, though, that’s what we got. And the dislike of said later Lupin’s actions is totally a fanfiction topic I can get behind.

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