Hours later, Hermione’s head was still throbbing and she desperately wanted a cup of tea and a very long nap. Both of those were far out of reach; instead, she was sitting in Director McGonagall’s office, trying not to shrink under her scrutiny.
“Are you sure that this is the report you want to submit?” McGonagall asked.
Hermione nodded, grimacing as the motion made her head throb a little harder. “Yes, Director.”
“That you can’t explain how Lovegood found the child in that cellar or what knocked you silly. Only that there was a bright light and voices.”
McGonagall sat forward, narrowing her eyes. “Agent Granger, we assigned you to Agent Lovegood to report on her cases and find some rational explanation for them. To debunk her notions about strange creatures and forces we can’t comprehend, before she makes a laughing stock of us all. Your report is rather less helpful on that front than we’d like.”
Hermione sat up straighter. “I know, Director, but I can only report what I saw. I can’t lie.”
“And you saw a light.”
“And heard voices.”
“And something flung you against a wall and knocked you unconscious.”
“Perhaps what you saw and heard was the kidnappers, and they were the ones who attacked you. In which case, we potentially have a kidnapping ring on the loose in Hampshire, and you can’t even describe them.”
“Agent Lovegood assures me that she didn’t see any kidnappers,” Hermione said, picking her words carefully. None of them were lies, precisely. They simply omitted a few facts that Lovegood had babbled at her as the paramedics tried to perform concussion checks. “The child was unconscious for the entire time she was missing, so we can’t ask her what happened.”
McGonagall nodded, her expression not softening in the slightest. “I suppose you’ve done everything you can. Go home and get some rest. You look dreadful. Try not to let Agent Lovegood drag you out on any wild goose chases for at least a couple of days.”
“Thank you, Director,” Hermione said, standing carefully in case she wobbled. “I’ll do my best.”
I’m not sure where I first encountered the idea of a Luna/Hermione X-Files AU. Clearly it was on Tumblr, but the specifics of when and where elude me. Needless to say, though, I was deeply intrigued by the premise. However, I struggled to find an actual fic that delivered on the idea. Even today, nearly a decade and a half after the heyday of Harry Potter fanfiction, it’s hard to find stories that don’t exclusively focus on Harry and Draco smooching. But I wanted to believe, pardon the pun, that a story like this existed, and this week my investigations paid off.