Throwback Thursdays: Masters of the Universe

If you were to take the year 1987 and simmer it down into a thick gelatinous paste, then leave it undisturbed in a warm, moist environment for eighteen months, you could look at the resulting slurry under a microscope and what you would see is the Masters of the Universe movie unfolding before your eyes. This film is the most ingenious parody of an 80’s film ever executed, or it would have been if it had been intended as a parody. The story and characters are based on a series of loosely connected generic action figures designed in-house in 1981 by the Mattel toy company so they wouldn’t have to pay licensing fees to make actual franchise toys. It stars Dolph Lundgren (who at the time was not fluent in English) as a virtually naked barbarian creatively named He-Man, one of the few fantasy genre characters stuck awkwardly into an otherwise vaguely Power Rangers-esque science fiction movie. Part of the movie takes place in an alternate fantasy/sci-fi mashup dimension and the other part is trying really hard to be an aggressively typical 80’s high school angsty love story. The result is an absolute mess of the most quality entertainment you can imagine, if you’ve got some booze and an hour and forty-five minutes that you never want back.

This art definitely makes me take this movie more seriously.

Throwback Thursdays: Yes, I Am Only Just Now Watching The X-Files

Being a first-generation geek is a tough burden to bear. While many people my age grew up watching classic sci-fi and fantasy with their parents, I was trapped in a boring, imagination-less void until my reading skills were advanced enough for Harry Potter. This being the case, I never got to experience firsthand many of the television shows that are all but sacred to other geeks of my generation.

Two weeks ago, I decided on a whim that it was long since time for me to watch The X-Files, which originally aired between 1993 and 2002. Though the show has faced some valid criticism on this blog before, I have been thoroughly enjoying the first few seasons as a first-time viewer, and it’s easy to see why it became such a cult classic.

What… why are you squatting like that? What are you doing?

Throwback Thursdays: A Troll in Central Park

Sometimes, revisiting childhood favorites is rewarding. Looking back, you can see how a piece of media you watched when you were younger has lasted the test of time, or how it shaped your current tastes. And sometimes, nostalgia glasses are rose-tinted, and rewatching something you used to love can remind you that sometimes kids like some questionable shit.

Sadly, such was the case when I sat down to rewatch one of the staples of my childhood, A Troll in Central Park. While the movie tries really hard to be cute, it’s easily one of the more unmemorable of the Don Bluth animated oeuvre.